by Kara on October 29, 2009
Caffeine really does get a bad rap. Don’t we know it. If I start downing a Red Bull Cola in history class, my teacher goes, “Caffeine is bad for you!”
I mean, really. Red Bull Cola doesn’t have any caffeine in it. Kinda.
Okay, maybe a little.
But my point still stands. Caffeine is viewed as unhealthy, when it has so many wonderful effects! One of the most important being superior braining. If you have no freakin’ idea what that even means, it’s basically this:
Caffeine helps you learn. Like a motherf**ker. Not kidding.
Just make sure you get the sugary stuff. It’s been proven that artificial sweeteners… any artificial sweeteners mess with the brain’s inner workings. Temporarily, of course, but enough so that the caffeine you ingest to gain magical braining powers does basically nil.
Monster, your Lo-carb is destroyed. Again.
/<3
P.S. Braining can also mean “to smack someone in the head.” While caffeine won’t necessarily make you better at that, it can help you devise tactics to do so quickly and efficiently. Why you’d need to is none of our business.
by Caffeine Riot on September 12, 2009
Red Bull Shot Sugarfree
Distributed by Red Bull USA
And the Sugarfree can with dwarfism. And a severe case of plastic.
Caffeine Content: 80mg/2oz.
Image from Flickr via Mr. Smashy (Sugarfree on Left)
Ingredients: water, taurine, citric acid, sodium citrate, caffeine, glucuronolactone, inositol, acesulfame K, aspartame, sucralose, niacinamide, calcium pantothenate, pyridoxine HCL, vitamin b12, xanthan gum, ascorbic acid, natural and artificial flavors and colors.
Can Design: Like a mini Sugarfree can. Not much to it, really.
Lethal Stats (per 2 oz.):
Caffeine Intox.(?): about 4 shots
Hospitalization Amt.(?): 37 shots
Kill Count: 151 shots
Kick(?): For Red Bull, it’s actually got a pretty good kick. More than the original shot, even. It’s a bit more concentrated, and a bit more sweet.
Buzz(?): About the same as a normal shot. Although, downing one of these after an actual can of Red Bull and half a Monster makes for a wicked buzz.
Taste: Like the Red Bull shot, but sweeter. It has about the same amount of the watery taste, but any of the actual flavor in it is stronger.
Design: It’s a Sugarfree shot. As in, the Sugarfree Red Bull, but miniature. Like mini golf, but less fun.
Two calories is actually pretty impressive. ‘Cause that’s almost, like, no calories. Right?
Difficulty of Procurement: Wherever you can get the original shot. Sometimes it’s absent, though. Yeah, we think it’s a conspiracy.
Red Bull Series:
Original • Sugarfree • Cola
Shots:
Original • Sugarfree
by Caffeine Riot on September 12, 2009
Red Bull Shot
Distributed by Red Bull USA
A Red Bull can with dwarfism, basically.
Caffeine Content: 80mg/2oz.
Image from Flickr via Mr. Smashy (Original on Right)
Ingredients: Water, surcrose, glucose, Taurine, citric acid, Sodium Citrate, Caffeine, Glucuronolactone, inositol, niacinamide, calcium pantothenate, pyridoxine HCL, Vitamin b12, sucralose, ascorbic acid (antioxidant), Natural and Artifical flavors, Color
Can Design: Like a teeny tiny Red Bull can. Though if you take off the wrapper, it’s a clear vial.
Lethal Stats (per 2 oz.):
Caffeine Intox.(?): about 4 shots
Hospitalization Amt.(?): 37 shots
Kill Count: 151 shots
Kick(?): It’s water and sugar. Mostly. It’s really sweet, so that may shock you awake. Not to mention the sugar will find you before any of the other ingredients will.
Buzz(?): From almost awake to awake. There isn’t a major buzz, only a pleasant elimination of tired. Probably about what you would expect for 80mg.
Taste: Imagine a Red Bull, but concentrated into 2 oz. Insanely sweet, adequately Red Bull, but a little watered down.
Design: It looks like a Red Bull. And if you take off the wrapper, it looks kind of like you’re a scientist about to test it for something. Pretty nifty.
All in all, this was a really half-ass attempt to get in on the shot market. Honestly? If Red Bull would have doubled their caffeine content and THEN threw these on the market, we’d be a little happier.
Difficulty of Procurement: Where most shots are. Not much more to it.
Red Bull Series:
Original • Sugarfree • Cola
Shots:
Original • Sugarfree
