Top 10 Ridiculous Caffeine Myths

10. Caffeine Stunts Growth!

Ah, everyone at some point has heard this from their mother. Well, unfortunately, our mothers were severely misinformed. Caffeine does nothing to your growth. Absolutely nothing. Actually, children who consume caffeine are less likely to be depressed later in life. How’s that for a caffeine fact?

9. Caffeine Makes Kids Really Hyper!

This is another of those myths from your mother. In actuality, caffeine doesn’t affect kids any more than it affects adults. Actually, if anything, caffeine goes through a child’s body quicker than an adult’s.

8. Caffeine Causes Chronic Insomnia!

It’s really obvious where this myth comes from, but caffeine only affects sleep patterns for the time it’s active in the body. Nice try, though.

7. You Can Get Addicted to Caffeine!

Often spouted from the mouths of the super-religious or hardcore-edge (and we really do apologize to the latter), this is probably the most annoying myth of caffeine out there. In actuality, the worst caffeine gets to is a habit. Yes, a habit of having coffee every morning. Your body will never physiologically “need” caffeine. By the way, you should probably get help for that brushing your teeth habit. We think you’re addicted.

Any adverse effects your body may experience due to caffeine (i.e. increased adenosine receptors) wear off in about four to five days. Which, coincidentally, is the “rest period” Caffeine Riot recommends for lightweights.

6. Caffeine Will Sober You Up!

While this is one of the few myths in favor of caffeine, it’s still a myth. Yes, caffeine does often improve reaction times, but not to the point where it will cancel out a bottle of Smirnoff. If you’re totally drunk, don’t think for a second you’re cool to drive, even if you did down a 22oz. of NOS a half an hour earlier. It just doesn’t work.

5. Caffeine Is Dehydrating!

Okay, we’ll give you all a break on this one, since it was first spread around by so-called “experts” in the field. Yes, technically, caffeine IS a diuretic, but only a mild one, and only really works after about 500mg of the stuff, which is way over the intoxication amount. Otherwise, caffeine in a beverage doesn’t really affect it’s ability to hydrate you. It’s safe, we promise!

While it’s not particularly dehydrating, it’s not particularly hydrating, either. If you’re severely dehydrated, a bottle water is much, MUCH better than a can of Monster.

4. It can harm my baby!

According to the FDA, CDC, the Surgeon General, and about a million other well-trusted sources, consumption of caffeine does NOT cause infertility, nor does it harm the fetus or cause complications. In fact, in the event of a premature baby, caffeine is often prescribed to open the infant’s airways so it can breathe easier. Though, since most studies haven’t studied pregnancy specifically, they still recommend that pregnant women stay away from caffeine. If only for the reason that it would secure the term “caffeinated babies” as a new internet meme.

3. Caffeine Makes You Gain Weight!

No! This claim makes us want to point angrily and exclaim, “No! Sir, you are mistaken!” Caffeine actually helps to break down fat, and speeds up metabolism, making it easier to burn said fat. It also increases muscle capacity and endurance, letting you exercise it off, faster, longer. And, while this claim is almost exclusively geared towards sugar-laden energy drinks, the boost in metabolism often more than makes up for the amount of sugar you’re ingesting.

2. Caffeine Will Make You Die Younger!

This claim is usually based on the fact that caffeine messes with your heart rate and blood pressure, which can lead some to believe that it can cause heart failure. Technically, yes, caffeine does raise your blood pressure for the time it’s active in your body, but you’d get higher blood pressure climbing the stairs. Also, according to afore-mentioned sources, caffeine actually reduces the risk of heart disease, and people who drink caffeine are half as likely to die of heart failure. Poked a hole in that, didn’t we?

1. In The Long Run, Caffeine Makes You Miserable!

While is one of the less popular myths, this one usually comes from the withdrawal period most caffeine-drinkers experience. Which, by the way, don’t usually last as long as the caffeine high itself. Better yet, they’ve done studies on the effects of caffeine on mood, and they’ve concluded that those who DON’T drink caffeine are actually more miserable in the long run (caffeine raises dopamine levels), occasionally driving them to shun caffeine-drinkers for their optimistic outlook on life. -cough-

Tagged as: Caffeine, Top 10